There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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