need another drink. this is the easiest way
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
