Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
