Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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