Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
