So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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