GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
