he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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