i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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