I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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