some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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