i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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