I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
