So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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