It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
