I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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