The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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