mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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