She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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