Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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