I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
