U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
