I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
