Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
