I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
