And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
