Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
