I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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