somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
