Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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