If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
