is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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