Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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