Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
