it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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