He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
