I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
