she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
