that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
