Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
