I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
