covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
