oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
