just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
