When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
