Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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