Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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