My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
