but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
