He is an equal opportunity slut.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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