ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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