why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
