This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
