ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize