why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
