the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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