Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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