I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im six kinds of drunk right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
